Ask Brenda

Here's your chance to get some new ideas on how to solve a problem. Of course, you have to weigh all suggestions against your own personal situation, knowledge and experiences. Be sure to seek additional help from a professional if you need it.  (See also our online agreement and disclaimer.)

Dear Brenda
It's been months since my father died, but it seems like at times I just get overwhelmed with his not being here. I think I must be going crazy, so I haven't talked to anyone. Is this normal? ---Betty
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Dear Betty,
Your experience is very normal. The process of grieving is really never over, it just changes over time. People often find that intense feelings are re-awakened after a period of time. Some things that might trigger that include anniversary or birthdays, important events that you would have liked your loved one to be a part of, a favorite recipe, song--anything that reminds you of the person who has passed away. Honor the feeling and the loss, then make a point of trying also to think of a positive memory. It is often very helpful to become involved in a loss support group, or seek therapy for a short period of time. If you have had other losses in your life, this also may have triggered many unresolved issues. The measure of caution would be this. Are you overwhelmed all the time, or just occasionally? If you are feeling overwhelmed all the time, you may have moved from a grief reaction into a depression. Professional help can help you let go of your pain, while honoring the memory of the person who has died. ----Brenda

Copyright Brenda Crawford-Clark