Drugs & Alcohol
Kids & Parents
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ideas on how to solve a problem. Of course, you have to weigh all suggestions
against your own personal situation, knowledge and experiences. Be sure to
seek additional help from a professional if you need it.
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|How do I get people to stop telling
me about diets or nagging me about my weight? It makes me think there
is something wrong with the way I look, that I'm too fat and that those
people think I'm not aware of my weight problems. I feel awful, yet I
smile and act interested. I even say thank you, when it really hurts inside!
Unfortunately, some people think nagging
is a way of showing concern. It's really just annoying and doesn't show much
trust or respect for the other person's abilities and insights. Sometimes
these folks feel out of control about other things in their lives, so they'll
focus their energy, attempts to control and even anger on you -- all in the
name of love and concern. Yet, you and I know nagging can be very judgmental.
It also steps over your boundaries, because you are the person in charge of
You have a choice of absorbing the hurt and maybe
even using food later as a way to temporarily get out of it, or being assertive.
People are often afraid of assertiveness because they are afraid someone's
feelings will get hurt or they'll get mad. If you practice assertiveness using
I statements, instead of You statements,
you'll find it very effective. For example, the next time someone tells you
about a diet, you could say "I'm
really not interested in hearing about diets anymore. I need us to talk about
something else." Then, move on. Or,
"I've learned that diets are only a piece of the puzzle with weight concerns,
and I'm taking care of myself in other ways. I don't want to talk about diets
anymore, its not good for me." If someone doesn't listen, keep repeating
the same thing -- it's called the broken record technique. You haven't said
anything negative about the other person because you have refrained from saying
"you." Just a reminder,
you could also refer them to my book Body
Sense because it describes in-depth the other issues that contribute to
struggles with the scales, and can help build more empathy with family members
and friends. There's also many other assertiveness techniques that help you
maintain boundaries and give you powerful insight and techniques into why
dieting doesn't work and what can. It's never been as simple as finding the
"right diet," or a matter of willpower. Let us know how you do after some practice. Best wishes.
Brenda Crawford-Clark, LMHC, LMFT
Sense Balancing Your Weight and Emotions
Copyright Brenda Crawford-Clark 2001
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