Here's your chance to
get some new ideas on how to solve a problem. Of course, you have
to weigh all suggestions against your own personal situation, knowledge
and experiences. Be sure to seek additional help from a professional
if you need it. (See also
our online agreement)
does my wife change her moods so quickly and so often for things
that we a lot of times can't control?
That's a question that could have many answers.
Here's a few ideas that hopefully will increase your insight.First,
have you asked your wife that question? Next, consider whether or
not your wife's life has had circumstances where she was hurt because
of events beyond her control. Those can include being the child
of a divorced family, a family where a parent has a substance abuse
problem or mental health problem, having accidents or illnesses,
being the victim of physical emotional or sexual abuse, and even
financial losses. Check back on the site in the future for the article
on Trauma Bonds. Simply put, those previous experiences can create
core feelings such as fear, anxiety, dread, abandonment, rejection,
out of control and more. Unless the person who suffers from those
losses validates the complex feelings and takes care of themselves,
those feelings often continue to churn inside for many years. (I
discuss that in-depth in my book Body
Sense, too.) Then, when something happens today that
makes them feel out of control, they can experience a feelings flashback
throwing them into emotional turmoil. They react not only to what
is happening now, but also are flooded with the same feelings they
had during that stressful time previously. Consequently, they they
might even over-react to your current situation. This could be part
of your wife's reactions.
Folks often tend to have mood swings when on emotional
overload. Could that be a part of what is going on? Does your wife
have too many responsibilities and little time to rest? Women, in
particular, often take care of everyone else before taking care
of their own needs. Learning assertiveness and how to set boundaries
with others can lead to a happier lifestyle, too.
You also want to honestly ask if there is anything
in your marriage that would contribute to her reactions? Is there
an environment of consistency and stability or have you had periods
of chaos? Family therapy might help you if that's the case.
There's also physical interactions that can contribute
to mood swings, such as hormones, hypoglycemia, diabetes, thyroid
problems and chronic pain. Our body is a complex system and how
we feel about ourselves and environment effects how our body works.
And vice-versa if our body is not working up to par, it can play
havoc with our emotions.
As you can see there are many different reasons
for mood swings - male or female. I'd suggest you tell your wife
you're concerned and ask if there is anything you can do to help
her? You two might want to consider reading my book to learn more
about trauma bonds and the power of expressing your feelings and
taking care of yourself through assertiveness, and/or seeking out
the opinion of a doctor or therapist. I also have an online
course on relationships that could be of help. I find the Serenity
Prayer to be a big help, too.
grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Talk to your wife and keep me updated. Stay encouraged
because she can feel better when she has the tools to help herself.